Lost Year

It's been a LONG time since we have been back here to make updates.

There's a simple reason for that.  We experienced a huge loss in our lives the Summer of 2011.  I'm not talking about the death of a family member.  But, I am talking about the death of something else.

Our marriage! 

You see... for the last 30 years, I have been keeping a secret.  I acted like I was a great man, and I thought I was living a great life.  A life of service.  A family man.  An upstanding, loving man. A follower of Jesus.  

English: The title page of a My Secret Life re...
Title page of a My Secret Life reprint
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
It turns out - I was lying.  I was secretly pursuing my own selfish wants and desires, while portraying myself as someone else altogether.  What everyone else was seeing was a lie.  I was just giving a false perception of what I was really living like.  I was fake. 

The true me...

I was trapped in a secret life of pornography and sexual sins.  And, I thought my secret life was only affecting me.

However, that summer, my secret came out into the light.  My sins, which had been infecting me, burst out onto the lives of everyone around me.  It was destroying everything that I had lived for.  And it was ruining my family and my marriage.

When my wife found out about my secret life, our marriage ended.

We never actually signed divorce papers to end it.  But, let me tell you, it was OVER!  It was dead.  And it was not coming back to life.  We were finished.

There was no way I could resurrect what I had secretly been working so long to destroy.  My wife and my kids we going to leave me - and I deserved it.  I had not hope of salvaging my life that I had been building for 15 years with Christy and my girls.

Those were very dark, and ugly, days in our family. 

Instead of trying to save something I had destroyed, I gave up on what I was trying to do, and I gave Jesus control of me.  Instead of further eroding my life, I allowed him to take control.

For real...  finally.  

And today, miracle of all miracles, my marriage is still together.  My wife hasn't left me.  My kids are still at home.  I am actually learning to love my wife like Christ asked me to do all those many years ago.

Ephesians 5:25  "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it."

I can tell you I was NOT loving my wife in this way.  I was loving myself.  I was selfish, manipulative, and self-seeking.

Now, I hope you can see where we lost over a year of our lives.

I tell you all this not because I am proud of myself.  Absolutely not!  And certainly not because I am a great person.  Definitely not.  On the contrary...  despite me, our family has continued to survive through one of the toughest years any of us have faced.    There are many things we feel lead to share with you, but haven't had the breath or the voice.

I want to apologize, in advance, for so plainly talking about these hurtful issues I shared.  I understand it is not something that you might want to see, or read, from our family.  However, it is important to say, that this is our real life.  This is a truth we must live in daily.  This is the reality that thousands of families are dealing with every day now.  And we want to share as much of it as we feel lead. It has become a huge part of my life, and current ministry with other men, and I feel compelled to share it with anyone who might be in a similar situation.

We hope to share more in the days ahead.  We ask that you will be willing to pray with us as we do.



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